Well!

 i got my first girlfriend a few weeks a go.
she is a really great person, a little shy, very beautiful, soft, very loving
but she dumped me

 anyway!

 last night at about 11:44pm she as on msn
and asked me back out
i avoided a direct answer because i was sort of confused on why
and it was really late
and i think i should talk to kimmy about it all
as much as i want the relationship
if it didnt work the first time, why would it work this time

she is convinced she loves me
and i do need someone like her
when ever i was with her i just felt...beautiful
*sigh*

i dont know what to do

this is a bit fo a change from the rest of the blogs

so have a nice day
love skimo

i am a Christian

i love god

i love my church

i am a sinner

i am forgiven

curled up on my bed at 10:30am listening to placebo and crying....me right now...i need to myself that this lonliness isnt real...so im blogging it

people dont really hate being around me

your not really here

living in a state

of forced surrealism

yes no body loves u more than a friend

no u will never experience a level of imtimacy that you crave

no body loves u the way u want them to

but it doesnt mean they hate u

brutal realities, fighing for a hopeless dream

ruined by reality

requiem

4 kives with a brutal dream destroyed by their reality, surrealism, addiction

 why have i cried so much

in the last few weeks i have cried more than i have in 5 years

my reality

im whispering in your ear, "i love you"

hmmm...confusion once again

and i feel sleightly nervous

estelle told me that heaps of people say i love her

she asked me if i did

and i said that im afraid of rejection so i have been trying not to like her more than a friend

this is weird

and what is weirder is that i dumped sara last night

and a day later asked by someone blatently if i love them

confused and girlfriendless

that wasnt a real relationship

 we never saw eachother and when we would organise something...it didnt happen

well

 im off...have a good night

love skimo

sex

i talk about sex with everyone

i hear about sex

i want sex

to experience it

but not to waste it on someone i dont love

i have been talking about sex lots lately

with almost everyone i talk to

wvwn though i might not want to

it still happens

sex
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----------


confusion

love

the only triangular form of relationship

sorrow

confusion?

too many things

not enough time

people

coffee

*sigh*

at confusion

as whether to tell

tell about her

will it help

i dont know

she surely will be gone soon

and itll hurt so much that i might follow

the only person who can decrypt

the binary digits that make the brainwave

im running at a frequency only she can hear

on a FAT 32 partition

with ubuntu

and xp

ubuntu on its own partition

and xp on an ntfs partition

enough

confusion

well...big week:

- Gran died
- played at church
- got asked on a date
- had a MASSIVELY confusing dream
- found a new band
- miss stell already
- missed out on trendy
- dad fucked our computer...took me 11 hours to fix...and it still wasnt fixed
- learned linux can read a NTFS partition but not write to it

anyway:P

bit of a tase of the week...it all made me feel horrible...and then people just kept making it feel worse...

 that last sentence has NOTHING to do with this next sentence

i cant believe sprunk thinks i like bean the way he does...as much as i love her i could never go out with her...losing a friend like her for a relationship i could potentially fuck up would hurt an unbearable amount...i rely on her for everything...

im sorry if u ever felt that i see her the same way u do...make sure u tell me ok

because i love u the same amount as i love bean

you two are the MOST important people in my life at the moment

im off...from skimo

Been thinking lots about what happens after school...

 one thing im definately going to do is IT Cert 4 probably networking at TAFE

like...what do i do after school...i wont exactly have my liscence and im not guaranteed a house in maitland

i mean id love to move in with dot but i know that sprunk might...which is probably a better thing than me moving in...but then i need to worry about a job...and i need to get to tafe...and i dunno if i can earn 200 bux a week plus IT

 *sigh*

 sitting here listening to killswitch talking about love:P

 talking to stell too

she seems pretty upset

went to wendy today...was a bit useless...we did centrelink paper work...i really dont care if my sister stays or goes..the reason is...i really like having aaron around...i like him living here and everything he does...he is awesome

 talked to the chik at gloria jeans:)...her name is Lisa...she looks REALLY good in her work uniform...she looks as though she is really insecure of herself, but wears bright colours:P

stoot kept telling me to ask her out to cinos

maybe i should:P

 but i have no money:(

anyway im off

 from skimo

i miss bean its been soo dam long since i have seen her...ahh...i need to see her everyday otherwise i feel incomplete

u guys have no idea how much i love her...she is like another family member...but 1 i can be open too...talk to anything about so dam long that im hurting:|...

im sick of not feeling...i havne not been feeling for a whole day now...everything was just a blur...

im numb and everything still is tunnel visioned...

but its all good...its for the tooth if i dont feel any pain it heals quicker

if i dont feel any pain ill heal quicker

if i dont feel any pain ull heal quicker if

i dont feel any pain

i have to get councelling off trendy soon...im actually looking forward to it...because it means im going to councelling, and i have always been too afraid to approach anyone about doing anything like this

i really dont know if i need it but it might make me more confident in myself

or just give me a different outlook

wendy is awesome:)

and trendy wendy just happens to beans mum:P

it felt so so good today to wash all the blood out of my mouth it didnt stink anymore and didnt taste terrible which made my day a whole lot more pleasant...

anyway im off

from skimo